4 Tips for a Great Best Man Speech

C’mon, man. I’m a big sports fan, and Monday Night Football on ESPN is one of my favorites. The games are fun, but what I really look forward to is the “C’mon Man!” segment. It shows off the most puzzling plays, questionable decisions, and funny football bloopers.

I enjoy a good “C’mon Man!” moment during football, but I definitely don’t want to see one at a wedding reception.

As a minister, I’ve performed more than 1,800 weddings. I don’t go to as many receptions as I once did, but I still attend quite a few each year. The speeches and toasts are often a highlight—though sometimes, they’re a lowlight—of the evening.

So here’s my advice for the best man: prepare! The worst thing you can say before your speech is, “I didn’t really prepare anything.” When I hear that, I know the speech will probably wander, embarrass someone, drag on, or miss the moment. The groom chose you because he trusts you to stand up and say something meaningful. Show respect for that by getting ready ahead of time.

A good best man speech doesn’t need to be long. In fact, it’s better if it isn’t. You don’t have to do stand-up, give a sermon, offer therapy, or tell the groom’s whole life story. Just keep it thoughtful, prepared, appropriate, and focused on the couple.

Some best man speeches are too short, while others seem to go on forever. Sometimes they get so personal or emotional that the speaker forgets there are two hundred people listening. Other times, it’s just a bunch of inside jokes only a few people understand. And if the best man has had too much to drink, the speech can turn into a disaster. You don’t want to be that guy.

It’s actually pretty easy to end up being that guy. Here’s how:

• Do not prepare.

• Drink too much.

• Get up and ramble.

• Tell the wrong story.

• Forget the bride.

• Roast the groom for five minutes.

• End awkwardly.

C’mon, man. You can do better than that. Here are four tips to help you give a great best man speech.

1. Say Thank You

Start with gratitude and humility. Thank the families. Thank the couple. Thank the guests for being there. Thank the bride especially, because this is not only about your friendship with the groom. This is about the couple and the beginning of their marriage. Few speeches go wrong when they begin with thankfulness.

A sincere thank-you breaks the ice and sets the tone. It tells the room you understand the moment. You are not there to steal attention, perform for your friends, or prove how funny you are. You are there to honor the couple. You do not have to thank everyone by name. In fact, you probably should not try unless you have been specifically asked to. Keep it simple and gracious. Something like this works:

“First, I want to thank both families for bringing all of us together today. It is a privilege to stand here with the groom, and it is an honor to celebrate this beautiful day with both of you.”

That is not complicated. It is just gracious. And gracious is always a good place to begin.

2. Use Humor Carefully

A best man speech should usually include something funny. Usually.

Humor can help the room relax. It can make the speech memorable. It can show the groom’s personality and give everyone a glimpse into your friendship. But humor needs to be handled carefully. The rule is simple: public funny, not privately embarrassing.

The story about getting into harmless trouble as kids may be fine. The story about the groom’s ex-girlfriend is not. The story about a funny road trip may work. The story that makes the bride, parents, grandparents, or half the room uncomfortable does not.

This is a Toast, not a Roast

Before you say something, test the material. Ask someone wise who knows the couple and who will tell you the truth. If you are not sure whether the joke is appropriate, that is probably your answer. Remember, the groom is often both excited and nervous during the best man's speech. He may be expecting a little bit of a roast, but he also wants to hear something good. He asked you to be the best man because you matter to him. Make him glad he chose you. Do not make him regret it. A little teasing is fine. Humiliation is not.

3. Honor the Friendship

After the funny story, build the groom back up.

This is where the speech should turn from humor to honor. Talk about your friendship. How long have you known each other? How did you meet? What makes your friendship unique? What kind of friend has he been to you? This is the heart of the speech.

You don’t need to make the groom sound perfect. Everyone knows he isn’t. But you should say something true and good about him. Talk about his loyalty, work ethic, humor, generosity, steadiness, faith, kindness, courage, or love for his family.

Then connect that quality to the bride. For example, “She is lucky to be marrying him because…”

That sentence is a great way to move into the most important part of the toast. The best man shouldn’t just talk about the groom as a friend. He should help everyone see why the groom will be a good husband. Maybe you’ve known this quality for years before the bride came along. Maybe you’ve watched him grow. Maybe you’ve seen how he talks about her, cares for her, or becomes better when he’s with her. Say that.

When you honor the groom, you also honor his family, his parents, and the bride. Honestly, you honor yourself too. If you only roast him, the speech becomes about you. But if you honor him well, the speech is about the relationship that brought you to the microphone in the first place.

You’re his best man. In some ways, he’s probably been your best man too. Say something that’s worthy of that friendship.

4. Wish the Couple All the Best

Land the plane! That’s a phrase speakers and preachers use. Bad speeches are like planes that keep circling the runway, but never actually land. A good speech needs a good ending. Don’t drag it out. Don’t end by saying, “Well, I guess that’s all I have.” Don’t trail off or panic. Finish your speech with a clear, warm ending.

The end of a best man speech can be a blessing, a wish for the future, a prayer, a word of encouragement, or a simple toast. You’ve thanked the room, shared some humor, and honored the friendship. Now, wish the couple well.

Something like this works: “So please raise your glass with me. To the bride and groom. May your marriage be full of laughter, loyalty, patience, forgiveness, adventure, and love. Cheers.”

That’s enough. You don’t need to be Shakespeare or a stand-up comedian. You don’t have to give the greatest speech in wedding history. You just need to be prepared, kind, appropriate, and sincere. A good best man speech should feel like a gift.

Write your speech with the Golden Rule in mind. Give the kind of speech you’d want to hear at your own wedding. Say thank you. Be funny without being mean. Honor the friendship. Wish the couple well.

And whatever you do, don’t become a “C’mon Man!” moment at the reception.

Photo by X L

Photo by Mélanie Villeneuve on Unsplash

Cover Image: Michael Damron