Foot Washing at a Wedding: Know the Meaning Before You Use the Moment

Why do people include rituals and unity ceremonies in weddings?

The main reasons are symbolism, tradition, and meaning. Couples want to express something through action that words might not fully show. They may want to honor family, share their faith, include children, remember loved ones, or create a physical symbol of their promise. That is why we see unity candles, sand ceremonies, wine boxes, handfasting, family bouquets, tree plantings, communion, and foot washing.

There is another reason, too. Sometimes people see a ritual at another wedding, online, or in a video, and think it looks interesting. I get it. Weddings have always borrowed ideas from each other. Imitation is how traditions often spread. When a couple sees something meaningful, beautiful, emotional, or photogenic, they might wonder if it fits their own ceremony. There is nothing wrong with that. Many great traditions started because someone saw them done well and wanted to continue the idea.

Still, before adding something to your wedding just because it looked powerful in someone else’s photos, it’s important to ask what that moment meant before it was photographed.

A few years ago, Caleb and Maggie Earwood became known for one of those wedding pictures. They were married in North Carolina in May 2015. Caleb was a U.S. Marine, and Maggie was his bride. Before the ceremony, they wanted to pray together, but they also wanted to preserve the familiar tradition of not seeing each other before the bride walked down the aisle. So family and friends helped place them around a corner where they could hold hands without seeing each other.

Their photographer, Dwayne Schmidt, took the photo. Caleb wore his dress uniform and bowed his head. Maggie, in her gown, held his hand around the corner and tried not to cry. The image spread quickly. News outlets shared it, and people posted it everywhere. It stood out not just because it was beautiful, but because it showed real conviction.

Caleb later said they were about to start their life together and wanted to do it within God’s will. Maggie shared that when she took his hand, he was shaking, and it comforted her to know her future husband shared her faith. That’s why the picture was powerful. It was a prayer before it was a pose. The photo mattered because the moment mattered.

Since then, I’ve seen many couples try their own version of that moment. Some pray around a corner, some read letters, some exchange private vows, and some hold hands with their eyes closed before the ceremony. Others combine it with a first touch instead of a first look. When done with care, it can be a beautiful way to show faith, anticipation, and commitment.

Then I saw one that made me pause. A couple staged the corner pose, reached around, took each other’s hands, and then drank a shot together. No offense to the couple. Some traditions include a shared drink. In a Scottish wedding, for example, there is a long-standing tradition of using a two-handled loving cup called a Quaich. The couple shares a drink as a sign of love, trust, and union. But I do not think this couple was trying to make a Scottish cultural statement or a faith statement. They took a tradition, reworked it, and used it to create a cool picture and video. That might have suited them, and I’m not here to judge strangers online. But it does raise a question couples should ask when planning their ceremony. Does this moment mean something to us, or does it only look like something cool or something we have seen others do?

Maybe I sound old-fashioned, but I believe wedding rituals should have meaning. They can be beautiful and look great in photos. They can help the couple interact and create a memorable moment during the ceremony. All of that is good. But a ritual should support the promise being made. The symbol should point to something real.

That brings me to foot washing. Foot washing has become more common in Christian weddings, especially for couples who want a visible sign of humility, service, and faith. It can be one of the most powerful unity rituals a couple can choose. But it can also feel awkward, confusing, or overly sentimental if the couple doesn’t understand its meaning or origin.

I am writing on Maundy Thursday 2023, which falls during Holy Week. On Thursday, Jesus gathers with his disciples for what is commonly called the Last Supper. During this meal, Jesus institutes communion. He takes bread and wine from the Passover table and gives them new meaning. Later that evening, he is arrested. The next morning, on Good Friday, he is crucified. His body is placed in a tomb until his resurrection on Easter Sunday.

Before the arrest, before the cross, and before the empty tomb, Jesus washes feet.

In John 13, Jesus rises from supper, lays aside his outer garments, takes a towel, ties it around his waist, pours water into a basin, and begins washing the disciples’ feet. The scene is striking because of who Jesus is and what the disciples had been doing. In the Gospel accounts of that evening, the disciples are still jockeying for position. They are imagining a kingdom, a new order, a change in power, and they are still arguing about who will be greatest. Then Jesus takes the posture of a servant.

The room must have gone quiet. Peter, being Peter, tries to refuse. He tells Jesus that he will never wash his feet. Jesus tells him that unless he allows it, he has no share with him. Then Peter overcorrects and asks for his hands and head to be washed as well. Peter often manages to miss the point in both directions, which is one reason many of us can relate to him.

The act was surprising because foot washing was a servant’s job and part of hospitality. In the first century, roads were dusty, people wore sandals, and feet got very dirty. With animals around, little sanitation, and the realities of ancient life, it was not a glamorous task. A host might offer water for guests to wash their feet, or a servant might do it. It was humble, physical, and necessary work.

Jesus, the teacher and Lord, takes up the towel and does the work no one else in the room was rushing to do. That’s the background of foot washing. It’s not just a tender moment. It’s a reversal of pride and a challenge to seeking status. It shows love in action. That night, Jesus gave his disciples a command: love one another. The word Maundy comes from the Latin for command or mandate, and the command that night was love.

So before including foot washing in a wedding, couples should understand its meaning. It’s not just an emotional Christian symbol. It says something about the kind of marriage they want to build. Foot washing says, “I am willing to serve. I will not measure love by who gets the most attention. I know marriage will require humility. I am entering this covenant with a towel, not a throne.”

That last image matters to me because marriage reveals pride quickly. Weddings are full of honor, attention, beauty, and celebration, and that’s as it should be. The couple deserves to be celebrated. But the real marriage starts after the reception, in the small and less glamorous moments. Marriage means cleaning up messes, carrying burdens, forgiving, doing chores, listening when tired, showing up when it’s hard, and serving when no one is watching. Foot washing points toward that kind of love.

When I proposed to my wife, I surprised her at the end of a church service. I called her forward, had her sit in a chair, gave her a ring, and asked the question. I also knew I wanted to do something more. As part of the proposal, I washed her feet.

When a guy is planning to propose, I usually tell him to make sure the girl gets her nails done before the proposal. There was no good way to tell my future wife to make sure her feet were ready. That is one of the practical challenges of turning theology into real life.

But the message was important to me. I wanted her to know I wasn’t marrying her just to get something. I was promising to give myself to her and to serve her. Even then, I knew romance alone wouldn’t be enough. Marriage needs love that’s ready to serve, long after the photos are taken.

That’s why foot washing can be a meaningful wedding ritual. It connects back to John 13 and brings that lesson into the ceremony. It lets the couple show, through action, that their love will be shown by serving each other.

At the same time, foot washing isn’t right for every wedding. Some couples feel uncomfortable with it. Some families might not understand. Some venues make it hard to do, and sometimes the dress, shoes, schedule, or setting make it more distracting than meaningful. Every ritual needs careful thought. A good symbol in the wrong setting can be confusing.

If a couple chooses foot washing, I suggest keeping it simple. The officiant should clearly explain its meaning. Prepare everything ahead of time—the water, basin, towel, chairs, and timing—so it all goes smoothly. The moment should feel respectful and intentional, with enough explanation so guests understand what’s happening. Most importantly, the couple should know why they are doing it.

If you want a great photo, your photographer can help with that. If you want a meaningful ceremony, choose rituals that honestly reflect your faith, your love, and your hopes for marriage. The best rituals don’t borrow emotion from someone else’s story—they let you express your own.

Caleb and Maggie’s picture went viral because people could tell the moment meant something before anyone else saw it. Foot washing is the same way. It should come from real conviction before it becomes a photo. Know the meaning behind what you do, and choose what adds meaning to the promise you’re making.

‍

As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Rembrandt drawing of Maundy Thursday- Le lavement des pieds Rembrandt Rijksmuseum, Amsterdam

‍Photo of Caleb and Maggie Earwood-May 2015, photographer, Dwayne Schmidt