Time Apart Can Strengthen a Marriage

Time apart can strengthen a marriage.

That may sound like advice you do not hear often enough, but this idea can actually help a marriage grow stronger. In the first year of marriage, couples naturally enter the honeymoon phase, or what my dad calls “the cave.” For about a year, they are learning how to be a couple. It can feel like they are in their own little world. It is a good season. Everything is new, and everybody is happy.

The mistake many couples make, however, is assuming that all activities must be done together.

Spending time apart can strengthen your marriage. Depending on your spouse to fulfill every need does not work. Neither spouse should try to be the be-all, end-all partner if you want your marriage to be strong and healthy. Remember, time for yourself is not a luxury. It is a necessity. It refreshes your soul and helps you become a better partner.

The options for personal time are pretty simple. It could be working out, reading a book, taking a walk, spending time in prayer, or relaxing in the bath. The quality of your alone time can strengthen the quality of your together time.

It is also true that healthy couples need other friendships and connections in their lives, whether those connections are with other couples or in groups. Most couples find that community and friendships contribute to their overall health and happiness.

An easy way to find those friendships is through the small group concept. Groups are all around you. Try your church, the YMCA, the library, a local coffee shop, a social club, or a sports activity. You can usually find information about these groups on their websites or by asking staff or regular attendees. You may find people who share some of your interests. It could be a group of moms who like to run at the track on Saturday mornings or a group of guys who meet every week over breakfast. Small groups or life groups can be a source of encouragement and support. If the group makes you feel welcomed, challenged, and accepted, it can make you stronger and more confident in your personal life and in your marriage.

Most groups typically have six to twelve people who share a common interest or passion. The group is large enough to create community but not so big that someone feels lost in the crowd. Meetings can be scheduled regularly, or at least often enough to remain interesting and friendly. Your time together is when you develop a fellowship that turns into camaraderie, friendship, and goodwill.

When you have people supporting you, you feel better, and your marriage is stronger.

This concept of spending time apart is not new. Before television came along, couples often made it a point to find and include others in their lives. They had neighbors, church communities, extended family, clubs, teams, and regular places where friendship and support were built over time.

Taking time for a life group develops a habit that fosters personal growth. Forming a community helps you return home feeling refreshed after meeting together.

Find a group that makes you feel welcomed, challenged, and accepted. Find people who can support you through failures, help you face fears, and calm the anxieties that worry you. When you find a good group, you may become more open to sharing about your marriage. You begin to realize nobody’s marriage is perfect, and there is a community that wants to encourage you through hard seasons.

At the heart of it, we do not want to see anyone fail. Like watching a movie, we want people to win. In a group, that is often the dynamic. We cannot always see the things we need to work on, but we want those around us to do well and improve. That kind of support and encouragement can become a source of hope in challenging times.

Being part of a community of faith or shared interests can strengthen your marriage. Faith can provide a shared set of values and beliefs that guide your relationship, while common interests can create a strong bond and shared experiences. Both can help you build a community that supports and nurtures your marriage.

You can find people who want to see your marriage succeed and watch you grow.

When you begin building a community to protect your marriage, your marriage can come out stronger on the other side.

All Images: Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko