Valentine's Day

Marriage Preparation| Marriage Advice| Relationship Reflections

February 15, 2022•10 min read

Valentine’s Day and the Love That Lasts

What is the most important day in February?

Groundhog Day was a fun movie. The Super Bowl matters to many. Presidents’ Day means a long weekend. But for couples, florists, card shops, restaurants, and the guys picking out candy late on February 13, the real highlight is February 14—Valentine’s Day.

Since it is the day of love, my question is simple: what kind of love are we actually celebrating?

The Story Behind Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day has roots in church tradition, legend, and romance. Several early stories mention a man named Valentine, or Valentinus. Like Santa Claus, these stories have blended over time. One popular tradition says Valentine was a Christian priest or bishop in third-century Rome, during Emperor Claudius II’s rule.

Claudius thought unmarried men made better soldiers since they had fewer ties at home. So, he banned young men of military age from getting married. Valentine ignored this order and kept performing weddings for young couples, even though it put him in conflict with the emperor.

Valentine was known for helping persecuted Christians, praying for the sick, and performing weddings. He refused to worship pagan gods. Because of this, he was put in prison, where he shared his faith with anyone who would listen. One story says that through his prayers, God healed the jailer's blind daughter. Valentine was never released and was eventually martyred on February 14. He was buried in a Christian cemetery on the Via Flaminia near the Ponte Milvio, north of Rome. Since 496 AD, February 14 has been celebrated as the Feast of Saint Valentine. According to legend, he sent a letter to the jailer's daughter, who visited him, and signed it, “Your Valentine.”

How Valentine’s Day Became So Romantic

Over time, Valentine’s Day gathered other symbols.

Later on, the reason St. Valentine’s Day became so popular was perhaps due to its signaling of the arrival of Spring. The Roman holiday of Lupercalia was a day of purification and romance. It is this connection to the season that might be seen as a season of giving flowers. The first flowers might start peeking out, and therefore became gifts of love. Many Roman holidays were “Christianized,” so the combination of Valentine and Cupid evolved. The idea of Cupid is over 3000 years old. The original god of love in Roman mythology was the Greek god Eros. At that point, he was pictured as young and handsome. Later, he morphed into the Roman god Cupid. Nowadays, he looks like a baby in a diaper with a bow and arrow.

Cards became popular later, especially as printed valentines and postal systems made it easier to send romantic notes. Chocolate became one of the holiday’s great symbols too. At some point, love and sugar formed a permanent alliance, and society has never looked back.

Valentine cards have always been a crucial part of Valentine's Day. They began showing up in the 1700’s. The first Valentine Card discovered to have been postmarked in England dates to 1806. And what would Valentine’s Day be without chocolate? Chocolate has always been considered an aphrodisiac. The Aztec King Montezuma used to drink 70 cups of liquid chocolate every day. During the 1800’s chocolates became a popular Valentine’s gift in Europe.

The Bible’s Most Famous Love Chapter

Whenever we talk about love, especially around weddings and Valentine’s Day, 1 Corinthians 13 often enters the conversation. It is one of the most famous chapters in the Bible. It is read at weddings, printed on decorations, quoted in cards, and remembered even by people who may not know where the passage comes from. Let’s pick up the reading with verse 4:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

“Love is patient. Love is kind.” Those words have become part of the emotional vocabulary of weddings. But here is the interesting thing: the Apostle Paul was not writing a Valentine’s Day card. He was not composing a wedding reading. He was writing to a church that needed to learn how to love each other well. That actually makes the passage more powerful for couples.

Paul’s vision of love is bigger than romance. It reaches beyond candlelit dinners, attraction, affection, and sentiment. It gives us love with backbone. Love with endurance. Love with humility. Love that shows up when life gets hard. That is the kind of love every marriage needs.

Love Is Patient

Paul begins by saying that love is patient. That may be the least romantic, and most necessary, thing he could have said. Patience means love can endure frustration, weakness, misunderstanding, bad timing, growth, immaturity, and the ordinary irritations of living closely with another human being. Every couple needs patience because every couple eventually discovers that love involves another person. The love you feel early in a relationship may come quickly. Mature love takes time. It develops through seasons, conversations, forgiveness, disappointment, laughter, sacrifice, and thousands of ordinary choices.

Love Is Kind

Patience holds steady. Kindness moves toward the other person with goodness. Kindness matters because marriage gives two people a great deal of power over each other. You know each other’s vulnerabilities. You know what words can wound. You know what silence can do. You know the small things that can either bless or burden your spouse. Kindness chooses to use that knowledge for good.

In a healthy relationship, kindness is expressed in tone, timing, words, touch, service, attention, and daily consideration. It is found in the small decision to speak gently, help willingly, listen carefully, and treat the other person as someone precious.

Love Learns Humility

Paul says love does not envy, boast, or live in pride. Relationships can become competitive in quiet ways. Who works harder? Who sacrifices more? Who is more tired? Who deserves more attention? Who was right last time? Who gets the final word? Love grows when pride shrinks.

Humility lets couples celebrate each other instead of keeping score. It makes it easier to apologize and helps both people learn, change, and admit when they’re wrong. A proud person has a hard time loving well because pride always wants to be the center of attention. Love, on the other hand, makes space for someone else.

Love Is More Than Getting Your Way

Paul says love doesn’t look out just for itself and isn’t quick to get angry. That is a strong word for couples. Every relationship has to deal with selfishness. Marriage brings it out because someone else is close enough to challenge your preferences. Love asks each person to think about what’s good for the other, not just their own comfort or control.

This doesn’t mean you lose yourself in the relationship. It means love teaches both people to care about what helps the other person thrive. Love is more than personal happiness. A relationship shaped by love asks better questions:

How can I serve you?
How can I understand you?
What do you need from me?
Where have I made this harder for you?
How can we move forward together?

Asking these questions can change the whole mood of a relationship.

Love Keeps Short Accounts

Paul says love keeps no record of wrongs. That may be one of the hardest challenges. Every couple has moments they could hold onto and bring up later as proof in an argument. Some people even keep mental lists of past hurts, ready to pull out when needed.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting wisdom or setting aside boundaries. It doesn’t pretend real hurts don’t matter. But love chooses not to use every past mistake as ammo in the next argument. Healthy couples learn how to fix things. They admit mistakes, forgive each other, ask for help when needed, and choose healing instead of keeping score. That kind of love helps people feel safe.

Love Rejoices in the Truth

Paul says love rejoices in the truth. This means love has a moral core. It values honesty, integrity, faithfulness, and doing what’s right. Love doesn’t ask couples to pretend. It invites them to tell the truth in ways that heal, not hurt. It encourages honesty about money, family, sex, faith, conflict, habits, expectations, and the future.

Speaking the truth with love can make a relationship stronger. But when truth is avoided for too long, it usually becomes a bigger burden. A marriage built on love needs honesty, because intimacy can’t grow if hiding things becomes normal.

Love Grows Up

Near the end of the chapter, Paul talks about putting away childish things. He tells us to grow up. I have always been struck by this line and how Paul includes this concept with love. When we are young, love is often about longing. We want to be chosen, noticed, admired, pursued, and loved. Those desires are human, and they do not vanish in adulthood. But mature love begins to ask a different question. It asks how we can become people who love well.

As love matures, it becomes less about the feeling we hope to receive and more about the life we are learning to give. It becomes patient, kind, truthful, humble, forgiving, steady, and hopeful. That kind of love does not happen by accident. It grows as we grow.

Valentine’s Day and Real Love

Valentine’s Day gives us a chance to celebrate love, and I am glad it does. Buy the flowers. Write the card. Make the reservation. Cook the dinner. Bring home the chocolates. Plan the date. Do something sweet. Couples should keep pursuing each other. But romance is meant to point us toward something deeper.

The love described in 1 Corinthians 13 isn’t just for weddings or Valentine’s Day. It’s the love we practice when someone is tired, disappointed, anxious, stubborn, grieving, changing, or hard to understand. It’s the love we give when the restaurant is closed, the flowers are gone, the baby is crying, the bills are due, and no one feels very romantic. That is the love that lasts.

Saint Valentine’s story, as tradition tells it, points us to courage and commitment. The symbols of the day remind us of beauty and affection. Paul’s words show us the kind of love that can last a lifetime. Let it remind you to love with patience, kindness, humility, honesty, forgiveness, maturity, and hope. That is the kind of love worth celebrating on February 14 and practicing every day after.

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