Why Couples Should Keep Dating Each Other

When a couple begins moving from dating to engagement, or when they start premarital counseling, there are usually two major areas that need attention.

The first is compatibility. This includes age, education, family background, relationship history, values, faith, goals, money habits, communication style, and other factors that help a couple discern whether they have enough “glue” to keep moving forward. These are essential questions. Do we fit together? Do we want the same kind of life? Do we understand each other’s stories? Are we walking in the same direction?

After a couple has been together for a while, often two years or more, they can usually see some of these things more clearly. A minister, officiant, counselor, or premarital guide may ask questions in these areas to help the couple build a stronger foundation. Once the couple has decided they are a good fit, and once someone has popped the question with a ring, they move into another phase. That next phase is maintenance.

It is a very simple concept…Dating.

Dating is the practice of maintaining a relationship. But once a couple gets engaged or committed, this practice often wanes. But dating is how you both found each other. Why would any couple who loves each other stop doing the activity that brought them together?

It is not intentional. The reality comes from something innocent. Once the couple occupies the same space, they see each other all the time. So, the importance of going on a date doesn’t always register. When I wake up…my partner is there. When I go to sleep…my partner is there. But it doesn’t mean that you are on an endless date. Seeing my spouse all the time doesn’t mean I see her or that I am actively seeing her. You might believe that just being in the presence of your fiancée or spouse… that is all you need. Well, if you have been together for more than two years, you know that is not the case. Time together can look more like time served than time well spent.

I like to call dating the lab or workshop of a relationship. It is where couples learn, practice, laugh, listen, ask questions, try again, and keep discovering each other. People often hear advice on how to improve their relationship, but they may not know when or how to put it into practice. No one usually goes home and writes “Relationship Improvement Time” on the calendar. Dating gives couples a place to actually do the work of staying connected.

That is why dating matters both before and after the wedding.

Time together without dating can look more like time served than time well spent.

That is why I encourage couples to keep dating. The relationship needs regular moments when you step outside the normal routine and choose each other on purpose. Dating is not only about how many couples find each other. It is also one of the habits that helps couples keep finding each other.

I am not the only person saying this. The National Marriage Project and the Wheatley Institute released a report called The Date Night Opportunity, and the findings are worth paying attention to. In their survey of married men and women, couples who had regular date nights were more likely to report being very happy in their marriages. The report also connected regular date nights with better communication, greater commitment, more stability, and higher sexual satisfaction.

That last point is important because it shows that dating is not a childish or sentimental idea. Date night is not merely something couples do before life gets serious. It is part of how couples stay close when life is serious.

The research does not mean date night is magic. A couple can go to dinner every Friday night and still avoid all the important issues in their relationship. A date can become another place to complain, criticize, scroll, or silently eat chips and salsa while both people wonder what went wrong. The intentionality behind the date is what matters.

A good date gives the couple a chance to communicate, reconnect, and enjoy each other. It creates space to ask questions, laugh, remember old stories, make new memories, and step away from the task list.

That is the heart of what I call the Date Challenge. The rules are simple.

1. Go on one date each week.

2. For engaged couples, no wedding talk on the date. For married couples, no whatever-talk. The topic that is always the sand pit.

3. Alternate who plans the date.

4. And finally, ask the question: “Will you go out with me?”

That last rule is the most important. Once a couple is together, engaged, living together, or married, the language of pursuit often fades. We start assuming. We assume the other person is coming along. We assume they know we love them. We assume they know we want to spend time together. Assumption may feel comfortable, but it can easily drift toward taking someone for granted.

Asking “Will you go out with me?” keeps the pursuit alive. It tells the other person, “I still want your company. I still choose you, and I still want to know you. I am not merely managing life beside you.”

Date night does not have to be expensive or dramatic. It just needs a plan. Couples should also remember that dating requires conversation. This is where many couples get stuck. They make the reservation, sit down at the table, and realize that most of their recent conversations have been about logistics. What time is the appointment? Who is picking up the groceries? Did you pay the bill? Did you text your mother back? What are we doing about the weekend? Those questions are necessary, but they are not enough to build connection. Couples need better questions. They need questions that help them remember, learn, laugh, dream, and understand each other again.

That is why I created the 75 Great Questions to Ask on Date Night guide. It gives couples a simple way to restart conversation without turning the date into an interview or a counseling session. Pick a few questions, take turns answering, and ask follow-up questions. You do not need to finish the list. You just need to stay curious.

Dating is relationship maintenance. It is how couples continue to learn from each other even after they think they already know everything. It is how engaged couples protect the relationship while planning the wedding. It is how married couples keep choosing each other when normal life becomes full.

You fell in love while dating. Keep dating to stay in love. Your relationship is worth the work.

Download the Free Date Night Questions Guide

Want help starting better conversations on your next date?

I created a free guide called 75 Great Questions to Ask on Date Night. It is designed for engaged and married couples who want to laugh, remember, learn, and stay connected.

The guide includes questions about childhood, family, identity, values, marriage, fun, favorites, faith, conflict, and the future.

Download the free Date Night Questions and our Full Wedding Chaplain Resource Library

Enter your email, and I will send the packet directly to your inbox.

Pick five to ten questions, go on a date, and keep choosing each other on purpose.

To listen to the Wedding Chaplain Podcast episode on Dating, click here.

Photo by Vija Rindo Pratama

Photo by Shvets Anna

Image: Michael Damron

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